


Can't we have a nice ending?

by Mystrothedefender



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Older Characters, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10529148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrothedefender/pseuds/Mystrothedefender
Summary: A myriad of issues force Bruce into retirement. Joker talks him into moving with him. The adjustment is hard but life together is better than they could have hoped.





	

Bruce’s joints ached with the use of the grappling hook, as he made his way to Ivy’s old rooftop garden. Where he’d met Joker almost every night for the past 7 years.

He approached the roof garden, the lights in the greenhouse were already on, meaning Joker was already there, as usual.

He landed with a not so graceful thud and felt an annoyingly familiar shock of pain through his knees. He cursed himself, taking a moment to breathe.

Joker’s voice called for him from the greenhouse.

“Bats!”

He drew the word out into 2 syllables, singing the word happily as he came out from his shelter.

Bruce straightened up as Joker approached him. The man seemed to be staring at his hand, the usually wide smile on his face wavering slightly.

“Is your wrist hurting again? I saw you flinch.” He took Batman’s hand and took the grappling hook from him, beginning to massage Bruce’s wrist, his eyes flitting from his wrist to Bruce’s face, studying him. “You know I’m the only one allowed to hurt you, darling.”

Bruce frowned and gently pulled his hand out of Joker’s grasp. ”I’m fine Joker. I just need to invest in something to make the pull a little softer.”

Joker let out a sigh, his eyes wandering to the floor as he began to walk back towards the greenhouse, “Batman, I’ve been thinking lately, about… well,” he smiled, turning his head back to Bruce, his voice a more serious tone than normal, “About you. About us.”

Bruce followed him into the small building, taking a moment to absorb the familiar set up; a multitude of plant pots turned upside down set up to form a kind of dining area, premade food and drink already arranged on the ‘table’.

“Thinking?” Bruce urged after a moment. He was slightly unnerved by Joker’s tone, it was rare that he sounded concerned.

Joker nodded, acting intentionally coy, he took a seat and began to unwrap his food. He extended his hand to gesture for Bruce to sit down.

Bruce moved to take his seat, watching Joker take a bite of his sandwich. “Thinking about what exactly?”

Joker held up a finger, continuing to chew his food, he swallowed and cleared his throat. “Now, uh, keep an open mind about this… But I think it’s time we stopped, uh, _this_.”

A hard weight seemed to fall on Bruce as Joker spoke. “Why?” he asked bluntly.

Joker smiled, putting his elbows on the table, his sandwich held limply in his hand, “Look, Bats… We’re old. I’ve got to be at least 70 now, I know you’re not much younger than me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

Joker laughed and shook his head, “If I can admit it you can Batsy. You’re an old man. You’re slow, your joints hurt, it’s hilarious that you’re still doing this.”

“I’m leaving…” Bruce turned to get up, stopped by Joker taking his hand.

“Please, Batman,” Joker cooed, taking his hand and kissing his fingers. “Run away with me.”

Bruce let out a small forced laugh, “This is the funniest thing you’ve ever said, Joker.”

Joker chuckled, “I was being serious. Bats, please-please-please! It’ll be amazing.” He looked at him with fluttering eyelashes, “We can live out the rest of our days together.”

Bruce shook his head, “There’s no way you’re serious. I won’t even consider what you’re suggesting. I couldn’t leave Gotham, my children, grandchildren. I have a business empire, Joker.” He took off across the roof, picking his grappling hook back up and prepping it.

Joker sighed noticeably, following Bruce with his arms crossed.

“Batman, I’ve got something to ask you,” Joker stated firmly.

Bruce frowned, “No, Joker.”

Joker walked up to him and took his hand. Slowly, much to Bruce’s surprise, he got down on one knee.

“Batman, will you marry me?”

Bruce’s mouth lolled open a little, “... What?”

Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring, “Marry me!”

Bruce shook his head weakly, “...No.”

“Please!”

“No?!”

Joker pouted cutely, “Please-please-please…”

Bruce crossed his arms, glaring down at him, “Joker where did you get that ring? You know our agreement.”

Joker shrugged, “It was my grandmothers’,” he offered.

“I’m serious.”

“Me too,” he wiggled the ring box in front of him, “Marry me,” he sang.

Bruce sighed, rolling his eyes, “So the options are I either run away with you or get married to you?”

Joker shook his head, “Marry me and we run away together.”

“No, and no.”

“I’ll do whatever you want… Come on Bats, just imagine, you come home from golf or whatever and then you find me in a sexy little maids outfit, following your every whim..?”

Bruce swallowed hard. “Joker, I’ll say this again. No.”

“Is it coz I’m old?”

Bruce rolled his eyes, “No, it’s because you’re Joker, and I’m Batman, and I can’t leave Gotham.” he shook his head, “And… You’re Joker.”

Joker began to get up, or began trying to, “That never stops you from fucking me does it? You’re just making excuses and,” he huffed, “For god’s sake help me up.”

Bruce reached down to pull Joker up, grunting a little with the effort.

Joker pulled him close, smiling softly, “Come on… Don’t make me beg, or... do something drastic.”

Bruce frowned, pulling away a little, “What do you mean ‘drastic’?”

Joker played with his hands on Bruce’s suit, “Oh I dunno… I could blow up the city, something like that.”

“That goes against our agreement.”

Joker sighed deeply. “Bats… Is our agreement the only reason you’re doing this?”

Bruce paused for a moment, “...At first it was.”

“But now? You love me right?”

Bruce frowned, “Joker. What are you doing here?”

“Do you love me?” Joker huffed and shook his head, “I just… It’s been 7 years. The same thing every night. I want more than a $5 dinner and occasionally bending you over a plant pot. I’m 74. I need to retire.”

Bruce clenched his jaw, swallowing the uncomfortable lump that’d come to his throat. “Joker… I do love you, but I can’t run away with you.”

“Then we’ll compromise,” Joker said happily, “We’ll get married here and I’ll move in with you.”

Bruce shook his head, “Joker, I’m not going to marry you.”

“Seven. Years.”

“Joker, no. I can’t, what would everyone say?”

“It doesn’t matter. You love me right? Don’t you want me for more than 2 hours per night?”

Bruce shrugged, nodding after a moment. After 7 years he had grown to love Joker. Most nights he looked forward to their meetings.

“Batman. I have to. I’m 73. I have to retire. Either you come with me, or I _go_ by myself.”

Joker’s tone made Bruce uneasy. “What do you mean..?”

“Do you know where I live? Batman..?” Joker smirked, “I live in a shoebox 2 floors down from here. I have to walk down 17 flights of stairs and then 10 blocks if I need milk. The highlight of my day is climbing up here and having dinner with you, don’t even get me started on the sex.” he shook his head, “Damn.”

Bruce looked at him, flat faced, waiting for him to continue, he knew Joker’s rants had a point.

“... I want more. I don’t want it to end like this.”

“You’re talking like you’re dying again.”

Joker scoffed and chuckled, “I’m 75 and I haven’t exactly been good to my body. I can feel it comin’ like a fucking train.”

“Stop talking like that!” Bruce heard himself yell.

“No Batman! You’re being delusional! You can’t do this forever, and you can’t stay here. For fuck’s sake…” he shook his head, “Your kids have been trying to get you to stop haven’t they? They keep telling you you’re going to kill yourself. Listen to them, to me. Come on…”

Bruce shook his head again.

Joker approached him, putting his hands on Bruce’s sides. “Just think about it…”

.

Bruce trudged round the house. Fights between him and his sons were becoming more frequent. Like the Joker they were of the mind that he should quit.

‘Take it down to part time’, ‘Just work from the cave’, ‘You won’t get to see your grandkids grow up’.

It was ridiculous. He was fine. He didn’t need this stress, why couldn’t they just let him go about his business.

He needed to get ready to go out, it was getting late.

He headed downstairs, keeping his eyes intentionally off his adoptive son as he began to gather his things.

Dick’s eyes bore into him, making his chest tighten.

“Bruce,” Dick said sternly, looking over from the computer. “You’re not going out tonight. Me and Damian’ve got the city covered.”

Bruce frowned, “I’m not starting this argument again Dick, I’m going out, I told you.”

“In that case you’ll be going without your belt.”

“What?”

“You’ve kinda forced this one, Bruce. I’ve moved it. Like I said, you’re not going out tonight.”

Bruce stared him down, walking across the room. “Dick, I need my belt, you will give me back my belt.”

“No I won’t,” Dick stated firmly. “We’ve been through this. You’re not well, mentally or physically. You need a night off.”

Bruce let out a growl, “Richard.”

“Don’t ‘Richard’ me, you’re killing yourself. You’re having a night off.”

Bruce turned back to his equipment, picking up his stuff, his mind racing with angry thoughts. “You can’t keep me locked in my own home Dick. I’m going out if you like it or not. I don’t need my utility belt.”

“What about your car? You need the car?”

The batmobile looked fine from what Bruce could see. “What did you do to the car?”

Dick smirked up at him, “It won’t start. Not for you at least. I took your prints off its system.”

“What?!” Bruce felt his head grow hot with anger, “That’s my car Dick!”

Dick shook his head, “Well it doesn’t seem to think so.”

“It’s a car, it can’t think.”

Dick sniffed indignantly, “What are you gunna do? Call the cops on me?” he shook his head, “You’re not going out. It’s for your own good.”

Bruce growled, “You can’t stop me. I need to go out.”

“So you can almost kill yourself? No. I won’t let you. You can work from here but you’re not going out.”

“I said you can’t stop me.” Bruce turned to walk back upstairs, he would into his car and drive into town, to one of his secret bases in one of Wayne tech’s old buildings.

“Bruce are you really this determined to kill yourself?” Dick yelled, following him up the stairs. “Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being?”

“I’m not being selfish, I’m saving lives,” Bruce snapped back.

“No, saving lives would be you staying here and directing us from the cave, not putting yourself in danger…” he sighed, “We know about your heart. I found your pills.”

Bruce stopped in his tracks. “You what?”

Dick nodded, “Yeah. How could you not tell us? I get that you like your secrets but this is something really important. We want as much time with you as we can get, you’re putting yourself in harm’s way.”

Bruce stood still for a moment, he couldn’t wrap his head round this. He couldn’t believe they had gone through his things. They’d decided to take away his belt. They were telling him what to do. He wasn’t a scorned child with a bad report card. He was a grown man, he could make his own decisions.

“I’m continuing with my life as normal. I won’t let a couple of pills change my life.”

“It’s not just pills, your heart could give out! What if you die on the job?” Dick said desperately, “What then? Everyone will find out who you are, who we are. Think of someone other than yourself. You dying will affect all of us, not just me and Damian, our spouses, our kids? Do you really want that for them? Everyone will be after them.”

Bruce swallowed hard. That had occurred to him, but he’d brushed it off, not let himself think about it.

“I won’t die on the job.”

“Bruce, for fuck’s sake, you can’t control your heart. You don’t decide when you die.”

It was true, Bruce couldn’t control his heart.

“… I need some time to think, alone,” he said quietly, turning again towards his car.

.

Bruce sat on the highest tower, his favourite place in Gotham other than Ivy’s roof garden. This was his favourite place to think. He could see the whole scape of Gotham from here.

He looked out over the skyline. It looked so different now. The years had changed it as much as they had changed him. He loved this city, the feel of it, it was where he belonged, it was his home.

But Dick was right.

He couldn’t continue serving her like this. Even getting to this roof had been painful, almost taken the breath from him.

He turned at a noise behind him, seeing Joker climbing onto the roof behind him.

“Oh damn, you heard me?” Joker shook his head, approaching him, “I’m losing my edge… remember when I used to be able to sneak up on you,” he chuckled, letting out a soft growl, “You used to love that.”

“Joker what are you doing here? I’m trying to think.”

Joker shrugged, coming closer and reaching out to put a hand on Bruce’s hip. “Well… We usually have dinner, you didn’t show up.”

“I left a message.”

“I know, I got it.” He smiled, “I just wanted to pop over, see how you were doing, what you were thinking about,” he smirked.

Bruce huffed, “… I wasn’t thinking about your proposal.”

Joker chuckled, “That sounds like something someone who was thinking about my proposal would say.”

“I wasn’t. I uh…” he sighed deeply, “I should probably tell you something.”

Joker smiled, leaning against him, “Go on…”

Bruce cleared his throat before speaking, having Joker so close to him always put him off a little. “I’ve been diagnosed with a heart condition.”

“Oh…”

“I haven’t told anyone, and I wasn’t going to, but Nightwing found out.”

Joker pulled away a little, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bruce shook his head, “I didn’t really think it mattered, not until Nightwing confronted me today.”

Joker smiled again, “Then it looks like the decision’s been made for you.”

“No decision has been made for me,” Bruce said with a shake of his head.

Joker looked him up and down, “Then what’s with the old suit? You can’t even take the crotch off this one,” he let out a soft chuckle.

“You can,” Bruce corrected, “It’s just a little more difficult.” He cleared his throat, putting himself back on track, “Me being in this suit means nothing.”

“I think you’re lying… I think you sneaked out.” Joker smiled and swayed as he talked, “You snuck out and didn’t come to see me..?”

“I wanted some time to think.”

“About my proposal? How sweet.” Joker chuckled and shook his head, giving Bruce’s chest a soft pat, “You were thinking…” he looked out over the skyline, “About Gotham, ah yes, your one true love…” he chuckled again, “Batsy… You old fool. We’re both old fools really. Thinking we could keep doing this. How odd is it that I’m the one thinking more logically this time?” He looked back at Bruce, “Is it because you’re ill? You’re in denial about it? Maybe if you hadn’t gotten ill you would have taken your slow decline with a little more grace.”

Bruce shrugged, his eyes hadn’t left Joker’s face through his speech. “I don’t think so.”

“I know you’re afraid of getting old. But you’re not 30 anymore. You just gotta accept it, you can’t do shit no more. It hurt for you just to get up here didn’t it?”

Bruce shook his head, “I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, it hurt me, that means it hurt you. Look, your kids are gunna keep trying to stop you coming out, you’re gunna keep hurting yourself, unless you stay at home all the time and work from your little cave you can’t really help anymore, and I know you won’t be happy staying at home.”

“I’m not running away with you.”

Joker slapped his chest, “Come on! It’s the smart thing to do… Do it for me. Y-you can just try it! For like a month, it’ll be a nice holiday for you, some time away from the kids. Then if you don’t like it you can come back.”

“I won’t like it. And if I did that then they’d know about us. My kids can’t know about you.”

Joker smiled, “I thought of that already. I mean, look at me! I can’t go anywhere like this without being recognised. I’m going to dye my hair brown, get a uh, more natural looking lipstick. I mean, red’s nice and all but I look like mutton dressed as lamb.”

Bruce held back a smile. “They’ll still know it’s you, you have a distinctive voice, and my kids are smart enough to recognise the shape of your face.”

Joker scoffed, “You think too much of them, unless they’re looking for it they won’t see me. Believe me, I’m an expert.”

Joker scoffed, “You think too much of them, unless they’re looking for it they won’t see me. Believe me, I’m an expert.”

Bruce let out a soft huff, “You know us running away together would mean that you’d have to see me without the mask.”

Joker’s mouth fell open, “Oh my god, I did not think of that,” he shook his head, “Honey… Its been 7 years, I’ve seen you without your mask many _many_ times.”

“But all the time?” Bruce shook his head, “It’d be a big change for us.”

“Then like I said, try it for a month. If it’s too hard or you hate it or whatever then you can come back.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow: there was no way that Joker would let him leave if he agreed.

Joker pressed himself against him again, his fingers dancing on Bruce’s hips, “You could get away from the kids, go golfing, learn to bake…” He leant closer, giving him a soft kiss, “... come on… You gotta admit it sounds fun.”

Bruce let out a breath against Joker’s lips, “It… It does. But-”

“Take the leap with me Brucey.” He kissed him again, “ _Come on_ …”

Bruce closed his eyes, a huff leaving him akin to a laugh. “You can’t just say ‘come on’ and kiss me and expect me to melt at your feet, when does that ever work?”

“It’s worked a couple of times. It’s always worth a try. As is you running away with me,” he bounced on his feet a little, “Come on Batsy! Please, pleaseeee? I have a plan. You know my plans are always good.”

Bruce smiled and chuckled softly, “The fish?”

“Hey,” Joker slapped Bruce’s chest again, “That one almost worked, I didn’t know you can’t copyright an animal.” he shook his head, “Batsy, baby, I’m going to keep asking until you say yes. It’s going to get more and more elaborate, tonight it’s me hunting you down and asking you, tomorrow it’ll be me hacking into every tv in Gotham and screaming it to the world. You know me, I’m as stubborn as a mule and I won’t give up till I get my yes.”

“…Ok,” Bruce said softly with a shake of his head.

Joker stopped, his eyes wide, “Did you say…”

“Ok. I said ok.”

“Ok as in yes?”

Bruce nodded.

Joker pumped his fist in the air, “Yes!” he laughed loudly, pulling Bruce into another kiss.

Bruce kissed back softly. “You’re right. Dick and Damian are just going to keep hindering me. I can’t work by myself… Staying here I’m just going to end up hurting my family.”

Joker giggled, bouncing up and down happily, “This is going to be amazing! Oh god this is going to be amazing!” He patted Bruce’s arm, “Now, you like your control, and I like the unknown, so I’ll leave all the preparation to you.”

“I’ll arrange everything.” He let out a sigh, shaking his head, “I never thought I’d do this.”

“Just for a month at first,” Joker reminded him, “In case we can’t stand each other,” he chuckled softly.

“Of course.”

.

Bruce would never have expected his life to come to this. It was exciting really. He’d told everyone he was going on holiday for a month to de-stress and figure out what he was going to do for his retirement. He hadn’t mentioned Joker, and he didn’t plan on doing so.

This would be a good opportunity, this first month, if he did like it he could scope out a potential house, one with a nice basement. If he decided to move full time he’d set up a system so he could still help out here when he wanted to, but he would be far enough away that no one would be put in any danger by his death.

It was painful to think about, but he’d forced himself to. The end was coming for both himself and Joker. They both needed to slow down.

Bruce couldn’t understand why Joker had been so insistent on them going together. Yes they loved each other, they’d been exclusive for the past 5 of their 7 years together, but Bruce had always assumed that Joker would disappear like an old cat, or just show up dead in an alley somewhere one day.

Death wasn’t something Bruce liked to think about, but that was how he’d assumed it would go. Maybe it was just his wishful thinking, he didn’t want to watch Joker waste away and die so to save himself pain he’d assumed he’d never see it.

He didn’t want to think about it.

For now he’d focus on this holiday.

He finished packing his last bag and dragged it down the stairs.

“Would you like some help father?” Damian asked upon seeing him, instantly getting to his feet.

Bruce shook his head, “I’m fine.”

Damian nodded, “Ok, you don’t want to keep your driver waiting, they’ve been sat outside for about 5 minutes.”

Bruce frowned, relaxing his grip on the case and straightening himself, “I didn’t order a driver.” He walked to the window and looked outside, letting out a huff at sight of a man outside.

“He said he was here for you,” Damian said with a shrug, walking over to take Brue’s case.

Bruce nodded, still looking out the window, a small smile on his face. He pulled away and began towards the door, Damian following him.

“Where is everyone?” Bruce asked, picking up a bag of his hand luggage as they walked down the hall.

“They’re at the entrance. They wanted to say goodbye.”

Bruce chuckled, “I’ll only be gone a month.”

“For a child a month is a long time.”

Bruce nodded in understanding, he opened the door to the entrance hall and saw his family smiling up at him: his other son, son in law, daughter in law, and 2 grandsons.

“Hey boys,” he cooed to the children, crouching down in front of them, “I’m going to miss you two. You’ve got to keep your dads in check for me ok? You’ve got my number, call me if they misbehave.”

The blond of the two nodded, clasping onto his mother’s arm for comfort. The other threw himself forward, wrapping his arms round Bruce in a tight hug.

Dick smiled down at his son’s show of affection, his grip on his husband’s hand tightening. “I think he’s going to miss you more, Bruce.”

Bruce chuckled, hugging the child back, “That’s impossible.” With a grunt he lifted himself to his feet, picking the boy up as he went. He leant over to ruffle Damian’s son’s hair, giving him a playful wink, “Dylan, the next time I see you I expect you to have finished my book.”

The boy looked away, nodding, obviously close to tears. His mother turned him to her and hugged him tight, “He probably would have finished the sequel too.”

“I hope so.” Bruce smiled and let out a soft sigh, “Ok. I’ll bring you all gifts I promise.”

He opened the door to leave, still holding his grandson, he walked out towards the car, followed by his family.

A smile came to his face at the sight of his ‘driver’. Joker was leant against the car, dressed in a smart black suit, his hair dyed dark, only a few shades lighter than Bruce’s along with longer and curlier, his lips were a pale pink, soft make up around his eyes. He looked almost normal, and to add to that quite familiar.

Bruce turned as he approached him, still intent on not introducing Joker to his family. ”Shane,” he said in mock surprise, “What am I still doing holding you? I was about to put you in the trunk with my bags, you wouldn’t want that.”

The child let out a laugh, his grip slacking on him.

“Dick, take your boy,” Bruce said, holding him out.

Dick approached, laughing, “Come on kid, want some icecream?”

The boy nodded in response. Dick bounced the boy in his arms a little, waving a goodbye to Bruce as he walked off.

“Take Dylan to get some too would you Maddie?” Bruce asked, smiling sweetly, hoping she’d accept without protest.

She nodded, smiling back equally sweetly. “Come on baby.” She led him away.

Bruce felt a slight relief wash over him. Joker had become pretty harmless in his old age and he had expressed a love for children, but Bruce didn’t trust him quite that much yet.

Maybe in time.

He smiled at Damian as they made their way to the car, he watched as his son began loading his bags into the car.

He looked over at Joker, the man smiling widely, obviously holding back laughter. He walked to him, “Hi, I didn’t realise I was being picked up.”

Joker shrugged, “I’m not charging you.”

“I’ll pay for gas.”

“Oh I’m sure you will,” Joker replied, a soft growl to his voice.

Bruce couldn’t help being made uncomfortable at his tone, with Damian right there, he’d notice.

He closed his eyes as Damian cleared his throat, “You’re ready to go now, father?” he asked.

Bruce nodded, “Yeah, as far as I’m aware I have everything.”

Damian glanced at Joker, looking him up and down. “Right…” he looked back at Bruce, “Let us know when you get there. Have fun.”

Bruce gave a small stiff nod. “I’ll see you in a month. Let me know if there’s trouble.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment, “…No metas in my city.”

Damian nodded, holding his hand up slightly, “I know, father. I know all your rules. Have fun, try to relax.”

Bruce got into the car, saying a short goodbye to Damian. Joker plopped down in the driver’s seat, looking over at Bruce.

“That’s a nice family you’ve got there Bats.”

“It’s Bruce,” he said with a smirk. “But, yeah, they are.”

“I hope I can meet them one day.”

Bruce nodded, “Yeah, I hope so too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I should start pointing out all my trans characters. I'm keeping it subtle, but Joker in this story is trans, because I love trans Joker. Also, not explicitly stated, Damian's wife is trans. I'm pointing it out because of the annoyingly large number of transphobic comments I'm getting on my other works. I aim to have at least one trans character in every story.
> 
> I will be updating this whenever I can.
> 
> comments are appreciated.
> 
> thankyou for reading!!


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